Have you ever felt the smell of time?

Have you ever felt the smell of time?

Do you remember the fragrances of vine?

Past, which will never come back

But will always be there with us awake

Do you remember the smell of that afternoon

when birds used to sing and croon

Do you remember the smell of that tree

under which you sat free

And waited for your rickshaw puller

because that day school was fun 

& at the same time hectic and fuller

Slowly reaching your sweet home,

as it was too hot a day for 

rickshaw puller to pull it alone

There were other mates also sitting in it

And it smelled like a nest full of birds 

chirping gloriously in the jungle of concrete

And then suddenly comes a huge cloud 

and embraces sun like a lover hug's

and behaving himself as a smug

Abruptly ambience started smelling good

I was floating in the glory of cloud's hood

It was a mirage & was misunderstood

The sun was indeed very strong

and it can not never go wrong

Still its rays were piercing our skin 

and I was smelling of chagrin

I cant look at the sun

as if it is a part of some sin

It will go and send the moon soon

till then I may smell a bane or a boon

Moments fly like this, and days pass 

Smells become brighter like a wrasse

Fleshy lips, powerful teeth & brightly coloured

And then smell changes to colour 

Which will always be there with us 

till we are alive & jive 

it will always be our saviour

'The smell'

#Memoirs of GONE

16 Dec - Another black day !

Today is Friday, The 13 & month is September. The day considered inauspicious all over the world. But today we have seen the history in the making, life will never be the same again after this day. 

16 December 2012 unfortunate Rape incident has stirred the whole world like a dry leaf in the storm. 

Since morning I was on the move to visit my clients for some work. But in the back of my mind, I desperately wanted to sit in front of news channel and be the witness of Jumbo judgement. 

After this incident life for women in Delhi has become more vulnerable and challenging. Women in general had stopped leaving home after 7pm but some brave heart were still moving in the night because of their jobs or some other reasons.It took nine months for Indian judiciary to announce the verdict on the convicts. Though the victim had died and given the dying statement against the criminals, still law took nine whole months to give decision. Why? 

Nothing exceptional has come out of this incident. First eye catcher out of the whole incident was how the people of Delhi came out of their living rooms together and fought, gave their precious time, participated in discussion and gave 'dharnas'. Delhi is my city since last 13 years and I am well aware of the indigenous nature of people here. Though I don't find original Dilliwallah here, because most of them are migrants from nearby states in search of work. Though every individual is completely different from another, somehow once you touch Delhi you become native of the city. Lot has been questioned on 'Dilliwallah's' show off nature or 'dil-waale' image. But I was pleasantly surprised by the  strong determination and equally robust actions they had shown for someone they did not even knew. It was heart warming to see mango people coming out under scorching sun and protesting against the criminals. So many campaigns were moving on social networking websites. In general Dilliwalah started becoming aware of the consequences and plight of rape victims or acid attack victims. They have become more sensitive to these issues and 

Amidst all this there was a thorn like consideration also that the rape case was viewed largely as a cold blooded and torturous murder. Had the victim not died after the incident, I doubted that criminals would have ever been punished. Unquestionably Rape should be considered the biggest of crime, bigger than a murder. Rape kills dignity, love, hope & soul of the victim, be it male or female. Yes, rape is not Gender biased. 

It is little wonder that rape is one of the least-reported crimes. Perhaps it is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused and, in reality, it is she who must prove her good reputation, her mental soundness, and her impeccable propriety

Disgusting ! Isn't it?

Rape is not just pushy lovemaking

But with due respect to our Patriarch society, rape victims are moving scott free in many cases. Why? Because laws are lenient and criminals are NOT at all afraid of law and police. And above all marital rape is not even considered a crime. Well, what to say and expect !

Anyways we are right now basking in the glory of the decision of death sentence to convicts. 
But will the attitude of people against this heinous crime change? 
When will male start looking at a female not as an object but as another human being? 
Is any other solution to this problem? 
Are we going wrong in the upbringing of our male children?

So many questions ! Seeking answers !

Bloom

I know a female who shared this story with me and I expanded it as a thought, a thought to be considered as it is related to future youth. 

My Friend is married with two sons and she also 'claims' that her husband is very loving, loyal, efficient, caring, independent & trustworthy. Sometimes I feel funny when she lists so many qualities of her husband.

How can a human being have so many qualities that too when his first name is HUSBAND! :) Anyways here we are not concerned about husband. Idea is to give a thought to youth and future brigade. Let's give a name to my friend, lets say her Gauri.

Hmm! Seems I like the name.

So, one day Gauri went to a toyshop in a nearby market to buy some gift for her kid's friend. After looking at many gifts she could barely decide on a stuffed toy for the kid's friend. The lady sitting on the shop had very small eyes, reminded her instantly of Bollywood actress #Sridevi, portraying hugely big eyes in most of her work.

Somehow we remember someone similar when we look at the person but the case was different with Gauri. She starts visualizing opposite features when ever she meets some one. People with long neck reminds her of Cricket player from England #Gladstone small with a very small neck, virtually invisible. A person with short height reminds her of Bollywood legend #Amitabh bhachan. Opposites attracts, I guess!

Any ways the lady shopkeeper started packing the gift. She hairy, round and fair complexioned face. May be her parlor visit was due. 

The lady started conversation with Gargi.

"Which school does your kid go to?"

"ABC public school." Gargi replied.

We shall avoid taking school names here. Why to give them free publicity when they deserve nothing of it. 

"Oh, and the younger one?" She said with a glimpse of sadness.

Gargi wondered what’s going on in her mind. She seems to be in talking mood with her customer.

"The same one." Gargi said.

"Oh Didi, I must tell you, remove your sons from this school. It is good for nothing. This school is useless." She told Gargi as if sharing the most vulnerable information on the planet.

"My daughters are going to St. XYZ convent school. It is the best school in this locality." The lady disclosed so proudly that Gargi felt like a snail. 

While holding a nice gift pack in her hand Gargi was feeling like a brain less mother who has sent her kids to worst school of the area. But the truth was not this. 

"Like Diamond, truth has many facets."

On the very next day she went on to meet her son's 'ex tuition teacher'.

 The word 'Ex' is very commonly used and misused now. Unfortunately teacher's community is also untouched by this use. After explaining issues about her health and telling her what kind of religious activities teacher is indulging herself in, discussion centered on kid’s studies. It was a natural move but gave Gargi a brain storming session.

Teacher asked Gargi if her kids are still going to ABC public school? She advised Gargi she should put her kids to St XYZ School or PQR international school or EFG international school. Gargi told me what the teacher said to her, and I found it really strange. Teacher told my friend as her kids are boys, present day schooling will matter most to them once they are grown up. If they have a label of convent school or International school then chances are they will get very good and educated spouses.

Phew! And here comes the 'awakening'. Teacher told her that when she will go out to find a perfect match for her sons she will be welcomed warmly by her future 'Bahus’, only if they are in these respected schools. And when they will come to know that they studied in Convent or International school then their families will also give you a hearty greet. 

Oh gosh! I was very much astonished & laughed out on this kind of idea. But it gave me a shudder down my spines when I realized the gravity of this kind of thinking process. 

“We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.”

And I strongly believe " What I think moves on to next generation, of course with few individual changes here and there."

Very Firstly the thought of gender biased schooling disturbed me here. Being a female of course I have a soft corner for girls but also I am not a commando with a woman empowerment flag in my hand. I equally love boys. :)

Issues being faced by females are more or less similar as faced by boys in our society. Yes I know except some biological processes. One, the teacher is denying the idea of girls studying in convents and International schools. Second she is depicting short sightedness of future would 'bahus' and their families. Like as if, at the time of marriage will the girl see if the boy had studied in convent or not. What about his education? Boy might be working in country's top MNC on the top management position and did his schooling from Public school or Govt school. Oh sad ! He is not eligible then. And what about his honesty, loyalty, disciplined life style and caring nature? Will these Convents and Internationals give the guarantee to imbibe these qualities in ‘boys’? 

Well, it may be this teacher's lone thought but I am sure If an aged female teacher thinks like this then definitely there must be 100 other people who are thinking like this.

Second Idea behind this thought, which I could not reciprocate in the same manner, is Gargi's sons are very young and overlooking at their ability in academics, sports, or extra curricular activities, their marriage is linked directly to their schooling years ahead. Now, that’s funny!

What if they fall in love and opt for love marriage! :)

Give kids some time to settle and let them breathe. Let them germinate at their own pace. And please keep gender differences away from basic right of education.

I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway...let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.

Too much of water and fertilizer before time spoil the beauty of plants. Isn’t it?

But I shall tell you that Gargi is still bewildered about her kid’s schools. J

“We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open.”
Harry Edwards

Immortal souls !

WOW!

This Diwali I shall treat myself with a big luxury car. I shall also have some diamond jewelry for myself. I need to get a nice Guitar & latest XBOX for my kids. Also need an expensive watch for my husband……..

Uff!

So much materialism to gain in such a little time. Then a thought sparks my mind and give me a shudder. What if I perish tomorrow then I wont be able to enjoy pleasure from these things. No one will remember me as a lady who had a big car, huge property or amazing jewelry. No one will remember me if I was blessed with most wonderful kids and a very loving husband. They will only remember me, what I held in my heart all life long – love or hate, regret or contentment, compassion or indifference.

Life is a moment , it makes us happy and sad in that very second !

#versesMahabharta

Yaksha : “What is the most wondrous thing on the earth?”

Yudhishthir: “Each day countless humans enter The temple of death, yet the ones left behind continue to live as though they were immortal.”

When mystery never unfolds !

HIS warm breath was still on HER neck,

humming though ears and going till the heart

embracing the heart from all four quarters

His sweet nothings were still in the air,

dancing with glory of their togetherness

making an incision in the middle of her heart.

HIS affectionate sight was so intense 

looking into HER eyes as if meeting them 

halfway while making space in HER heart

His subtle and restless touch of fingers

still loom large on HER knotted fingers

and caressing her finger tips with her thumb

HIS look travelling till the road end

still layering HER own glance

in whatever or whosoever SHE saw

HIS lips twirled like vine of grape

mere look of which melted HER 

as if she is a snow ball melting near the fire

HIS voice looming around like a whirlwind

making a funnel in which HER being

is twirling deep down & down.

In spite of all the remoteness

HE is not around HER

but SHE is still clinging to the mystery

which might unfold

May be at the time of 'The ultimate journey'

#Love - The eternal journey

Love

We can not force ourselves to love - or to withhold it. At best we can curb our actions. The heart itself is beyond our control. That is its power and its weakness. 

#Theninegatedpalace

Verses

A situation in itself, is neither happy nor unhappy.Its only your response to it that causes your sorrow.

#Verses - Krishna

The Lurching eyes !

One humid but beautiful August afternoon I decided to gift myself a walk till nearby Grocery shop. The walk was pleasant but it proved me again that nothing has changed yet in-spite of so much of hoo-hullah on women's safety and so called empowerment. The distance was not even one kilometres but I felt I have come miles away. 

As soon as I left safe cocoon of the wall of my society, on the main road I met happened to see two grown up boys riding a bike. I shall call them grown up because they were driving, and I understand  in our country driving license is given after 18 years of 'grown up' age. 

I was crossing the road, though there is no such concept of Zebra crossing in our country, I was looking at all sides with my ultra alert eyes. The boys were daring also, I must say. The front boy or man or MCP was blinking at me again. The moment was actually funny for me. 

I was bought up in a family where blinking is like a crime and considered the most of heinous of acts. And his blink made me, mother two small boys, smile in my heart. I was not at all angry or astonished on their  gesture. I simply felt pity on them. What kind of upbringing they had ?

I ignored them. The act of ignorance is the most common action I was doing since my childhood. Being a girl I had to be tough and smart in all kind of situations and circumstances. Anyways those boys also crossed the road on their super human bike and left. 

I was least bothered about them and was neither afraid a bit. I continued with my journey towards grocery shop and started planning what I need to buy from there. Fresh aroma of cheese slice and Mayonnaise filled my nostrils on the mere thought. 

After another 10 steps forward a car starting crawling by my side. Two men were sitting in it. The car was with me for another 10 steps. I gave the most strenuous look to them. The car moved ahead and stopped after few meters. I pretended looking at my phone which is having a 3.2 megapixel of camera. I angled the phone to take picture of that lurching car as number plate was intact on its back side. The trick did worked, and within few minutes the car was no where to see. As if it was never on this road at this hour. 

I laughed and felt instant pride in my intelligence. They might have thought that I have taken the picture of number plate and sending to someone. Though I knew in my heart, that I am plain lucky. Whatever it was I got rid of those sick eyes. 

And after few minutes I reached safely to my delicious cheese and Myo' !

Lots of insane things happen on the road, but my experience was alarming and interesting. I really feel pity and distraught for these kind of people whose mouth waters only at the sight of woman. The women for them is a mere object, which they can use according to their wish. 

The only word for them is F**K off !

ANDAAZ

वो ठंडी हवा के झोंके !
वो उड़ते हुए पर्दे !
FM  RADIO  पर गुनगुनाते
गुरु दत्त के नगमें !
बीच बीच में आती बादलों के
गरजने की आवाज़ ,
पानी पानी की टप टप की
आवाज़ कभी आती कभी बंद हो जाती !
कहीं कोई खुल्ला दरवाज़ा हवा से
जोर से बजता ,
याद आता अचानक छत पर कुछ है तो
नहीं जो भीग जायेगा !

फिर वापस आँखें किताब पर गडा देती हूँ
"मंटो की अमर कहानियाँ"
यह कहानियाँ भी अजीब ही होती है  !
एक बार शुरू हो जायें तो बीच में छोडी भी नहीं जाती
बिलकुल जीवन की तरह ,
एक बार दुनिया में आजाओ
तो जिंदगी की आदत से हो जाती है
चाहे वोह गले से लगाये या न लगाये !

यह फुर्सत, यह लम्हे रूक  जाये अगर
सोचूँ में अपनी गोल बेंत की चेयर  पर,
पास रखा BAMBOO का पौधा मुरझा गया है
पता नहीं क्यों?
BALCONY से झांकते पीले बल्ब चमक रहे थे
जैसे बारिश के पानी में आँखें धुल कर साफ़ हो गए हों !

ऐसी कोई बारिश बनानी  चाहेए
जो देखने का अंदाज़ ही बदल दे !
ऐसी  कोई महक बननी चाहेए
जो भीतर तक समा जाये !
ऐसी कोई रौशनी हो
जो अन्धकार को चीर दे !
ऐसी कोई आवाज़ हो
जो सुनाई भी दे !

गीली बारिश

खोल दो खिड़कियाँ को

बूंदों को अन्दर आने दो 

पड़ने दो हथेलियों पर ऐसे 

जैसे गरम रेत पर पानी का 

mirage बन जाये !

तपती धरती सी मेरी रूह 

को मिल गया सावन जैसे 

आँखों में पानी ऐसे फ़ेला ऐसे 

जैसे रंग फर्श पर बिखर गए हों !

जब उन् पोरों पर जाकर रुका पानी 

तो उससे रॊक लेने को जी चाहा 

क्योंकि पोरों से गालॊ तक की राह 

पर लाख सवाल होते है 

जिनका कोई जवाब नहीं होता 

और न ही वो सवाल रुकते है 

ज्यादा देर उस mirage की तरह

जो मेरी  हथेलियों पर  आकर बन गया था 

समझा तो पता लगा 

उस mirage को पार करते ही 

सारे सवाल और जवाब भी लुप्त हो गए !

Indifferent

It seems yesterday only, when she was a little girl, as innocent as it can be. Who can forget going to Nani Ke ghar every year. She with her cousin going out to have tiki and golgappe under scorching sun was a child's play. 

Mummy scolded and commented but who was listening. She was in her dream world where things were plain simple, no complications. 

Then why things turned upside down and she became an adult in a night when her cousin forced himself on her. 

He was her friend, brother, mate and mentor. 

She lost the meaning of relationships that ever existed.

When such meanings are lost one becomes indifferent and indifference hurts the most, even more than kindness. 

She is now indifferent, indifferent to the world ! 

हैप्पी बर्थडे आरिन !

वो झिलमिलाती हंसी

वो आँखों में शरारत

वो नन्हे हाथॊ से

मुझे छूना ,

वो छोटी छोटी उंगलीयो से

मेरे गालॊन को सहलाना

वो तेरा तेज़ी से दौड़ना

और मेरे ऊपर जम्प लगाना !

वो तेरे ढेरॊन सवाल

और उनके  मुश्किल जवाब

वो तेरा टॉयज के लिए मचलना

वो तेरा टीवी के लिए रोना

वो तेरा चॉकलेट के लिए

झीकना

वो तेरा घूमने जाने के लिए

मनाना

वो तेरा लेटेस्ट फ़िल्मी गाने गाना

वो तेरा टीवी में देखके

डांस कॉपी करना !

वो तेरा हमेशा अपनी पसंद के

कपढ़े निकाल कर पहनना

और सारी अलमारी खराब कर देना

वो तेरे मीठे बातें बनाना

और उन्हें बार बार सुनाना

वो बड़े भाई से लड़ना

और फिरउसी के साथ

खेलना !

यह सब कुछ सालों में खो जाने है,

और तुझे एक समझदार और परिपक्व

इंसान बन जाना है !

पर मैं वहीं हूँ  अभी

जब तीन साल पहले तुमने आकर

मेरा घर खुशबू से भर दिया था !

मैं हमेशा यहीं रहूंगी

इन् नन्हे कदमॊ के साथ

इन् प्यारी बातों के साथ

इन् नन्ही  उंगलियों के साथ

इन् शरारती आँखों में

इस छोटे से आलिंगन में

सदा ही !

हैप्पी बर्थडे आरिन !

Chand ka mooh tedha hai: चलते हुए !

Chand ka mooh tedha hai: चलते हुए !: वो हिलती हुई ट्रेन में अहसास हुआ की पीछे कुछ छुट सा गया था   दिए की लौ सी झिलमिल चलती ट्रेन ने कुछ याद दिलाया है  वो छुटते खेत  वो ...

चलते हुए !

वो हिलती हुई ट्रेन में अहसास हुआ की पीछे कुछ छुट सा गया था  

दिए की लौ सी झिलमिल चलती ट्रेन ने कुछ याद दिलाया है 

वो छुटते खेत 

वो दौड़ते पेड़ 

जैसे माँ से जिद कर रहे हो हमें बाहर जाने दो न !

वो लाल सफ़ेद डिस्टेंपर से सजे घर 

वो खुली छत, वो खुला आँगन 

कहती है कहानी उस बिंदास अंदाज़ की 

जो मेट्रो सिटी में कहाँ मिलती है 

क्या अंदाज़ बदलने से कोई बिंदास जो जाता है?

वो एक अकेला सा घर उस खेत में  

उसमें कुछ लोग रहते होंगे 

ए काश वोह भरे हों यादॊ और बेबाक बातों से 

वोह छोटा सा सरसों के खेत का टुकड़ा 

किसी ने बड़े यतन से बचाया होगा 

कंक्रीट जंगल के ठेकेदारों से 

और वो आया एक छोटा सा स्टेशन  

जी में अता था की अपनी मंजिल आ जाये जल्दी ही 

पर जब यह छोटे छोटे सुन्दर पढ़ाव आते है 

तो जी बदल जाता है 

कि सफ़र यूहीं चलता रहे 

ऐसा ही कुछ होता है जीवन में 

मंजिल की चाह नहीं रह जाती 

न ही उसकी याद आती है 

जीने मरने की आरजून से परे 

जब कोई ख़ुशी जैसा छोटा स्टेशन अता है 

तो सफ़र भी अच्छा लगता है 

एक ठहरा हुआ घर 

एक ठहरा हुआ खेत  

झिलमिल चलती ट्रेन सी ज़िन्दगी 

में सभी चले जा रहे है!

मंदिर में दूध चढ़ाने  जो मै गया तो अहसास हुआ कि
दूसरों की ख़ुशी के लिए भूके  को और मार आया !

सर्दी की  बारिश का मज़ा ही कुछ और है,

बहती नाक कान में मिर्ची 

गले में खराश 

फिर भी निर्मल जल की बूँदें 

ह्रदय को ठंडक दे जाती 

इस जुकाम ने नैनों से कितनी बूंदे टपकाई 

पर झम झम तेज़ आवाज़ से गिरते  पानी 

को देखे बिना नज़रें न भीगी !

गरम हथेली पर जब पानी की बूँद पडी  

तो जाना  पानी कितना  निश्चल है 

सबको एक सामान छलता  है !

कपूलों की ठंडक से जाना 

सर्दी की बारिश की रौनक ही कुछ और है 

सर्दी की बारिश की मज़ा ही कुछ और है !

Chand ka mooh tedha hai: I write what I feel. I write what I dream. My thou...

Chand ka mooh tedha hai: I write what I feel. I write what I dream. My thou...: I write what I feel. I write what I dream. My thoughts can't make you happy, but can tell you who am I ! Life will an allien if it is a th...

First step !

I write what I feel. I write what I dream. My thoughts can't make you happy, but can tell you who am I ! Life will be an alien if it is a thoughtless, wordless process. Life comes to a halt when there are no words to share, words, which are coming from brain and going straight to heart. 

Once there was a small kid of age 4 who most of the time kept on scribbling something or the other on paper. He used to do it on daily basis. He wrote many pages in few months and neatly kept those pages in a file. One day his mother thought that I should also see what my intelligent kid is writing on paper. She went to his room secretly, as he might object to her intrusion. She opened the file and saw the papers in front of him. She was shocked and at the same time amused to see no words. He was just moving pen in different directions and thus making beautiful designs out of it. It seemed some arabic or any other language for that matter. They were beautiful words with out meaning. Mother smiled and understood that her son is nourishing his brain by scribbling these meaningless words. As he is too young to write story or fiction or poems he is just putting pen and paper together. While doing so he was satisfying himself that he can also write and when time will come he shall definitely be a writer of his kind. She was indeed supportive and at the same time proud of her son. 

The turning point here is taking initiative, no matter how small it is. Once you start riding a bicycle there is no looking back, you can never ever forget to do so. To take a First step is the new mantra, if one won't take first step how will he/she complete his journey? Keep on trying and doing something that satisfy you, there is a soul inside each one of us which needs YOU.

Please dont ignore it! Do your bits and pieces and cherish that you are alive.  

So keep writing and sharing  

गहरी रात की चादर

गहरी रात की चादर
ऐसे ढक गयी मुझको
जैसे सर्दी में रजाई ने
घेर हो मुझको !

उदास मनन उदास आंखों
की कहानी
याद न कर याद न आ
फिर भी आँखों के
किसी कोने से झाकता
है वो !

हर सुबह
हर शाम
कब खोया था
कब चला गया था
पता नहीं लगा
कब भूलेगा
कब भुलाएगा
कौन जाने
जाना तो मुझे भी था
उसकी पल्कॊन की कोरों में
कब पहुचीं कब वहां घर कर गयी
कौन समझे
समझना तो उसे भी था
पर उसके दिल में भी एक दिमाग था

जो न समझता था
न जानता था!


गहरी रात की चादर यूं घेरे है मुझको !

Run, Run ! 2014 has come !

2014 - Another new year has come, and it has come again indeed with lots of speculations, promises, resolutions. 

This time also I have to do some promises to self, will make some resolutions and will try not to break them. 

The first thing I promise to self that I shall continue to be kind and generous to all irrespective of other reactions or behavior. This I was lacking since last so many years. We get affected very easily with how others are treating us. We want everyone around us to be polite and nice to us which in turn makes the environment very pleasant. But many a times we ourselves become rude. How can we expect a subtle behavior from others when we ourselves are not grounded. 

Here comes "the turning point". 

No matter what others do or think - good or bad, I pledge to keep doing good. I am ME, and can't be like others. I shall follow the path of kindness only whether I be treated kindly or not. 

It is definitely difficult to follow this humble path but once one is used to it, life will take a 360 degree turn after that. 

So be good and keep praying !