An unsent letter to a bona fide husband.

A bona fide husband

Dear husband,

Ever since I married you, life has become roller coaster ride. I married you with the thought that ours will be different and special couple. May be the thought of being different was too attached with my personal liking of adorning 'different' things. Well ! Now recently after good 12 years of marriage, I realised that we are also a regular couple. We also have differences on regular issues, and debate on trivial problems. We were trying to be different from other couples but it is in this effort we were losing our spontaneity. The only thing which is there till now is Love.   But after few years love takes new definition of 'Necessity'. 

We now talk only about problems of the house without coming to conclusion of deciding on its solution. We are intimate when it is required, that too without any candle lights or beach walks. :) We argue on issues related to kids, finances, career and investment. It was my mistake I shared my heart out to you, specially about your parents and family. Now I understand there is no one on this earth to confine with. People's memories are too short to remember the problems and people includes you also my husband. I have understood that if I want to write a poem I should not share it with any body, and should just write it. 

Actions speaks louder than words. :)

What hurts me most is I never wanted to be a regular daughter in law. I always wished for myself a mother in law with whom I can relate to and be friends with. But that could not happen and it was not meant to happen as when I chose you as my life partner. Alas ! It took me about 10 years to understand that we don't get everything we wish for ourselves. But it's hard for me to believe that you also fall in the circle of a customary being. 

You give me space to work as per my wish, you allow me to drink in public and wear what ever I want to, and you love me.  You are not into domestic violence, neither you are a drunkard nor a womaniser. I have so much of gratitude towards you for this. But something is still missing. 

Let's not try to be different and be regular. It's always very difficult to sail against the tide. And I am specifically tired of doing so. 

Let's be bona fide in real sense. I should be a dominating wife taking care of house, work, finances, bills and kids. And you being a customary partner who earns money for the house and hide your female friends from wife. :) Our friends should no longer give our examples of best couple. We should not be in limelight and be formal. Just like any other couple. 

And yes let's keep searching for the'Missing' in our lives. :)

Your wife

The unfortunate

On'India's daughter' -banned video on Nirbhaya gang rape case. 

Why this video is banned? Because it shows incompetencies of authorities, our patriarchy society, our culture which consider women as an object, sick mindset of our society, poverty, unemployment, environment full of violence and atrocities, our soft implementation of law and order, loopholes In criminal laws, juvenile laws etc. 

If it is banned in India, then there isn't any point in doing so. As we all know about our culture and society. Because we all are aware of these dark facets of our beloved country. And if it's banned all over world then that also doesn't make any sense as a citizen of some other far off country why the hell should I be concerned. We all have right to speak our mind, so do Criminals, lawyers, rapist, murderers etc. If the rapist says that girls are meant to be at home, they should provoke boys to rape them and the victim should not have fought back and allowed the rape to happen AND we educated and cultured people sitting in our living rooms call him sick then my beloved country men "please Jago" he is saying this not because he has sick mentality but because he is grown up in this environment ONLY. The place where he lived used women as object and violence, bullying and beating are their common pass time. Due to poverty and illiteracy they did petty works on shops and hotels. They never went to school. Drugs and abuse is in their culture. Do you expect a young boy who is earning 400₹ per month to be cultured and sophisticated?

We don't have any right to call him sick or cheap. What have we done to make him cultured and smart youth. Nothing ! 

*Who is unfortunate?

Victim or Rapist or our society? 

-Loss of life of victim is beyond any words. Her parent's grief, we can't even understand a bit. 

-Rapist is unfortunate as he will be punished for this sooner and later and in turn his family will also be traumatised. 

-Our society is most unfortunate who could not provide a young girl a safe transport, protective environment and timely justice. 

-Our society who is nurturing these youth and more like them with this kind of mind set. 

-Our society's judiciary system which is held accountable for having these defence lawyers on board. 

-Our whole self who keep our daughters in a restricted environment and free our sons to do whatever hell they want. 

But at the same time for such gruesome violence and murder he should be hanged by now.  'Justice delayed is justice denied.'

This gang rape has triggered a moment with collective action for a sustainable change. 

A look at victim's parent's face tells the story of deep grief.  They cry the story of loss which is unbearable and irreversible. Their eyes ask the questions which are unanswerable. 

Question is we want our daughter back?

Question is why only our daughter?

Question is what lessons we learn from this gruesome act and what measures we take to rectify them?. 

Do we have a consciousness in accepting women as just another human?